Give it Time, It Always Works
Small actions, consistently maintained, build oceans of trust
For those who want more texture to this post, check out the video at the bottom. I’m trying an “Author’s Commentary” section to read the article and give more insight behind it. Let me know what you think.
Almost every Monday morning my phone buzzes—it’s buzzed this way for years. Always my friend Adam. Perusing the last batch of Mondays, I see timestamps of 7:52AM, 7:38AM, 6:35AM, 8:05AM, 8:25AM.
Always a similar introduction: “Morning Hans ☀️ checking in to see how I can be praying for you this week.” He’ll then volunteer something about what’s going on in his life, tell a funny story, or make an inside joke. Usually I don’t respond to his first request and move on to talking about what he shared or asking him a question.
We recently had a long text interaction on a Sunday. The next morning, what do I get? “I know I talked to you yesterday but still checking in this morning to see whether there’s anything I can be praying about for you this next week.”
Clockwork.
You movie buffs might remember the scene from Remember the Titans where Coach Boone unveils his offensive playbook. His other coaches show suspicion over such a small playbook. “I run six plays, split veer. It’s like Novocaine. Just give it time, always works. See you on the bus.”
Those words “give it time, it always works” roll around in my head regularly. We throw them around the office a lot (well, I do).
Trust as Consistency
When I speak about trust, I define it as “confidence in the safety and integrity of one’s relationships, leading to free-flowing cooperation.”
But how do we grow in trust? How do we lose it?
As leaders, while commitment might be the fastest way to start rebuilding trust, consistency becomes our approach to sustaining trust.1
Moms who read to their kids every night.
Staff who walk around the office on Monday to check in on co-workers and see how their weekend was.
People who text you every Monday.
The mentor who picks you up at the same time every day to bring you to your night classes.
The employer who gives performance reviews every time they say they will and in a manner that is predictable and helpful.
Consistency doesn’t mean bland and inflexible. Consistency means reliable, safe, trustworthy. Consistency changes people.
Parents, take note. I’ve talked to so many friends over the years who reminisce about some aspect of their childhood and highlight an action that was always present. (I’m going to highlight the positive ones, but we all know the negative ones impact, too.)
“I always saw my dad early in the morning with a Bible.”
“My parents scratched my back and sang to me.”
“We always had the same family reunion and I loved it.”
For me? My mom stuffed a great stocking at Christmas. It always contained Haribo fruit-flavored gummies. She’d get them at a candy store at the mall and give them to us in plastic bags because she had to dole them out.
Consistency.
The Consistency Battle
Stop me when you’ve heard this story. You get excited about a new habit. You want to start reading every day, just ten minutes. Excellent. You also want to go on a weekly date night with your spouse. Great. You want to encourage one co-worker a week. Sounds like a plan.
Week One goes by and you are thrilled. So much enthusiasm!
Week Two goes by and you had a great time. A whole new you. You’ve never felt closer to your spouse.
Week Three goes by and you forget to encourage that co-worker. That’s okay, you’ll get it next week.
Then it is Thanksgiving week, you make some excuses, you say, “I’ll get back to all of this next week.”
Sometime around the summer solstice you go, “Man, I need to get back at it. It’s been, what, four weeks since Thanksgiving?”
So many great intentions, so many inconsistent leaders. And with each inconsistency, you inadvertently teach people just a little more you can’t be trusted.
Make No Excuses
“Nobody is perfect.”
That’s true. We will be inconsistent in more ways than one every day.
Also . . . so what? Pursue a different kind of leadership—one that fights to stay consistent even when it gets tough. Show up even when it is inconvenient. Don’t push to tomorrow that habit which today gave you enough time to finish. Make no excuses of time, of travel, of disruptions.
I have a friend I love very much who wants to have more devotional time with his family. More prayer, more presence, more of dad being home and with his kids. The problem? His job has him travel a lot. I love what he’s working on: sending quick messages to his family when he is away. Staying consistent in presence even when that presence is different.
You don’t need to announce what you’re doing; just keep doing it. Do it for the challenge. Do it for the joy. Do it for the trust you begin to build now and into the future.
Those around you won’t even realize that their hearts are taking notes, but years from now, the mark will have become indelible.
I love Monday mornings.
What acts of consistency have changed you? What ways are you striving for consistency? Reply back or post below.
Author’s Commentary. Along with the voiceover (above), I wanted to do a video where I read the article and give some commentary as we go. If you have time, or want some behind the scenes on the article, have a watch. Let me know how it works for you.
For more here, check out the Trust Edge Leadership Institute and their eight pillars.