How often are you benefited by someone who seems to be a natural at something? Whenever they use that talent or ability you find yourself encouraged—you leave the interaction a better person.
Erica asks excellent questions.
Pablo has a wit that somehow communicates both “You can trust me” and “I love you.”
It’s like a superpower. I’ve started to call it a secret superpower.
Secret Superpower (n): That skill or quality you have that positively impacts others.
It’s a secret not to the recipient but to the owner. It just feels like who they are, but it might’ve been developed over years. I’d venture that just about everyone has one. And I wanted to begin learning them.
Discovering Secret Superpowers
People who know me would say I’m structured. “Structured” feels like a bad word to me, so I don’t like when I hear it. It’s sterile and boring. Courtney has added “rigid” to the mix. I like that less, especially her reasoning.
As 2025 ended I began thinking about how I could grow personally in the coming year. So many of my habits don’t require other people. Reading, praying, walking, writing, managing a calendar, using a task manager—all pretty much structured DIY jobs unless you augment them.
I wondered what I could change. How could I introduce some sort of discipline (NOT rigidity) that required more engagement with others and was helpful for my own growth?
So I created the “Secret Superpower” question. Once a week I find someone and ask them what theirs is. For this exercise, I have to ask in person (or on a call). I keep the responses in a red Moleskine (because it is about being a superhero) that usually lives in my backpack.
These conversations don’t have to last long; I just want to see what people say. I’ll explain what a Secret Superpower is and then I’ll ask them theirs. I’ll wait, sometimes for a while, before I get a response.
Erin likes thinking of creative and thoughtful ways to do things for people. She takes notes on the offhand comments someone might make (a favorite restaurant, a type of crockpot they want) and then, in time, gets that item for them. She loves to let people know she’s heard them in the small things.
Dave mentors a lot of Chick-fil-A staff. He’s been told time and time again that he’s able to create safe environments for people to share. He pays attention to the tone of voice, to facial expressions, and even what is stirring in him as people talk.
Caley, one of the counselors at camp last week, finds ways to bring other people joy and make them laugh. She loves looking for the topics people love talking about and then finding ways to get them to keep talking about it.
Micah, a 5th grader at our church, writes notes. He likes to write to people what he appreciates about them—especially family.
And plenty more exist. Anna shared about her optimism. Armando shared about his ability to find specific ways to help people learn. Duncan is consistent—always doing what he says he will do.
The Discoveries
Each week, usually on Thursdays, my to-do list reminds me to ask the secret superpower question. Sometimes I ask that day, sometimes, I’ve already asked it, sometimes, I know I’ll be around a lot of people soon and push it to that day. But it sits there, gently reminding me I have work to do.
Whether the conversation takes 90 seconds or five minutes, I keep asking. And what I find is always a gift.
First, even if it takes time for the person I’m talking to, everyone comes up with something. There might be a few seconds of silence or some hesitation followed by “Not sure if this is what you’re asking for,” but everyone has something. I love that, with a little introspection, people of all ages have more capacity to bless others than they realize.
I also get to learn about how I can improve. I might ask, “If I wanted to get better at this, what would be my first step?” There’s a lot to be learned there. Even as simple as, “I should be sure I’m making better eye contact.” I never expect to just steal that person’s skill—God worked it out in them for a reason—I just want to know what I might be able to glean. Very often there’s some part of what is shared that graciously confronts an area of my own life. I think, “Yeah, I could be better at that.”
Finally, it builds a discipline in me that can’t be done alone. I get a number of jokes in a given month about being a robot—basically self-sustaining. I promise I am not.
The initial motivation as 2025 ended was that I needed a few disciplines that required others to be effective. So I do this both to learn and to get me across the table from someone so I can understand more about them.
At the beginning of the year I thought, “There is no way I’ll be able to have this many conversations.” But here we are at the halfway mark and the questions feel more natural and the conversations are always a joy.
I’d be curious . . .
What’s your Secret Superpower?
